


Wandering, Wondering Who You Are

by fallouise



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/F, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 09:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20255977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallouise/pseuds/fallouise
Summary: As soon as Tsugumi stepped away, Moca had her elbow on the table and cheek in palm. A lecherous smile was plastered on her face. “I think Ran ordered something on the secret menu.”Ran Mitake feels stuck. With nothing to preoccupy her thoughts but the nagging feeling that something is missing, a chance encounter acts as the catalyst for Ran to find exactly what she's been looking for.





	Wandering, Wondering Who You Are

Ran Mitake was skipping class again.

At least she was doing marginally better than how it was in middle school. She read for class, she did her homework, and still, she couldn’t find a reason to stay in the classroom. Her mind still wandered. Before long, Ran followed her thoughts, and she’d soon find herself at the school rooftop.

They were finally first years in high school. Things were supposed to be different. Better. But, just like always, she was still the same person.

Was that supposed to be a good thing?

It didn’t feel like it.

Ran flipped open her notebook. Moca’s scribbling always made its way on the margins of pages. A few notes and a stray doodle filled the notebook. Turning a few more pages, and an unfinished poem was lodged in between her messy thoughts. It was the one place she could sort out her feelings. She didn’t have to justify herself, or explain herself, or feel like she was being judged.

She sighed as she uncapped her pen. Words were scratched out all over the page. The poem had no direction. At some points it led towards anger before diving into sadness, until it edged along something akin to wistfulness. She yearned for something, but she couldn’t put a name to it.

“And that’s why,” Ran gripped the pen harder. “it’s scratched out.”

Ran thought of her friends, passing the time until the current period ended. Tomoe and Himari were still in a different class. Moca was in her class this year, but where their classmates soon found the girl’s antics endearing, Ran struggled to meet others eye-to-eye. It was already a few months into the school term. Even with Moca’s good intentions hidden behind teasing and prodding, Ran still couldn’t find it in herself to cross the bridge that Moca had so willingly built for her.

There was no one else and nothing else that Ran could ground herself with. If it weren’t for her three friends, she would probably burn every bridge altogether.

Ran scratched out another word. ‘Bridge’. That wasn’t a word she had the right to use.

She played around with a few more lines until the rooftop door creaked open.

The notebook snapped shut. Clutching it close, Ran tensed as she listened for any indication of who it could be. There was at least fifteen minutes until lunchtime. Was it her teacher searching for her? Or had someone ratted her out to student council?

Someone yawned.

“Rannn,” Moca drawled. Ran heard shoes scuffing against the ground before she saw the girl poke her head around the corner, blinking sleep from her eyes. “I knew I’d find you here, hehe. I win.”

“Congrats,” Ran grumbled, scooting over as Moca sat next to her.

“You left me in the classroom,” her best friend cried. Though her wounds sounded hurt, Ran saw a small smirk was playing on her lips. “I wake up from my nap to see that my precious Ran-chan is gone? What if someone took advantage of me while I was defenseless, huh?”

She straightened her back against brick wall behind them. Moca followed suit. “What can anyone do to you in a classroom? And it’s not like anything can wake you up from your naps. I’ve already tried.”

“You’re right,” Moca hummed to herself. Her hand was creeping towards her notebook, and Ran let it slip easily from her grasp. Moca started doodling cats onto another page as she continued her musing, “It’s probably for the better. I’m not awake to hold myself back.”

“Cryptid,” Ran pulled a face, leaning on Moca’s shoulder to watch her doodle. “Frightening.”

“Hey… you can’t just say that to any girl. Especially someone like me.”

“No, you’re exactly the person to say it to.”

“You’re _so _flattering today, Ran.”

Talking with Moca was easy. That was one thing that had always been the same and will most likely never change. Moca never pushed the boundaries, and even seemed as content as Ran was to maintain them.

“So there’s this café,” Moca drew a cup of coffee, complete with a waft of steam. “and Hii-chan wants all of us to go after school.”

“I guess I’m not doing anything,” Ran took the pen from Moca, scribbling something that mildly resembled Himari next to the coffee cup. At least she got the pigtails. When she handed the pen back to Moca, the girl drew in another stick figure, the words ‘_SOIYA!_’ floating above the head. That would be Tomoe. Moca then laughed, drawing in an angry circle with short black hair, staring daggers at a sleeping cat she’d sketched before.

A smile quirked on her face at the assortment of doodles. These were her friends, alright.

The lingering, yearning feeling returned to Ran.

What could she be missing? Her life wasn’t perfect, but she had her childhood friends and she knew her place in life. There wasn’t anything that particularly interested her. There wasn’t anyone that she wanted to meet.

“Moca,” she started. Her friend looked at her with the same lazy look that she always wore. “Am I… missing something in my life?”

For a moment, Moca’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Then the school bell rang.

Moca returned her notebook and they stood up together. “Do you feel like you are?”

It was the one time that her best friend wasn’t teasing, and Ran didn’t have an answer. Holding the notebook close, Ran shrugged. She started walking back to the classrooms with Moca ambling after her. “Don’t know. It’s half of why I asked,” Ran answered noncommittally.

“Maybe you have a ghost haunting you… or another Ran from a different timeline is contacting you,” Moca snickered, letting her imagination get the best of her.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ran rolled her eyes.

“You should listen to your gut, though,” with great flourish, Moca coughed to get her attention. Ran turned around at the base of the stairs to find that Moca was still standing a few steps above her. “Maybe something good will happen, hehe.”

When Moca pranced down the rest of the steps to stand beside her, Ran regarded Moca with a long look. “Right. I’ll keep that in mind,” she said at least, leading them through the hall where students were starting to eat their lunch. Himari and Tomoe were probably waiting at their classroom. “Thanks, Moca.”

“Just remember to come back home before curfew, okay?”

“Curfew?” Ran grimaced at Moca’s non-sequitur.

“Yes?” Moca had the gall to look confused. “Aren’t you going on a journey of self-discovery? I thought you’d go on a road trip, or something exciting. The kinda stuff fits your image.”

Ran shook her head as they rounded the corner to find that Himari and Tomoe were, in fact, waiting for them.

Things never did change for their group, huh.

…

Hazawa Coffee didn’t sound like anything special.

But then again, Ran wasn’t really one to judge. She didn’t go to cafes much to begin with. Himari led their group with a spring in her step, describing to Moca the different kind of pastries that were served there and arguing with the girl that she wasn’t betraying Yamabuki Bakery in any way by trying it out. Moca played up her skepticism, trying to rile Himari up.

Tomoe hung behind with Ran, watching the other two affectionately. “I heard from Moca that you’ve been skipping classes again,” she commented with her eyes trained forward.

“I’m not falling behind if you’re worried about that,” Ran pursed her lips.

“I’m not worried about your _grades_. I’m not your parent,” Tomoe frowned, this time looking at Ran. “I just want to know you’re okay. I don’t know if I can help, but I don’t want to leave you alone. We all care about you.”

Oh no. Knowing Himari, visiting this café would have turned out to be a dramatic intervention. Tomoe would get swept up in the emotions, Himari would burst into tears, and throughout the entire spectacle Moca would leer from the sidelines. The fact that Tomoe is approaching her about it _before _they reached their destination must have meant that either she or Moca talked Himari down from it.

Family troubles, school troubles, those were hard to admit but easy to confront. Ran always had trouble speaking her mind, but it wasn’t anything like that. She was worrying her friends over something she couldn’t spell out herself. She bowed her head. “Sorry. My head’s just been in a different place.”

Tomoe seemed to brighten up at that, smacking a hand atop of Ran’s head and ruffling her hair. “When your head clears up a bit, talk to me about it, yeah?”

Ran swatted at the offending hand, managing to say, “Yeah. Thanks,” before Tomoe laughed and pulled her into a side hug. A small smile won out over acting annoyed.

“Hey, you two!!” Himari pointing a finger at Tomoe and Ran. “Stop getting so cozy. We just got here!”

True to her expectations, the café was wedged among other stores and restaurants, with nothing particularly remarkable to make it stand out. It had planters lining the front, giving a splash of color to an otherwise plain first impression. Normal. That was the word Ran would use for the café. Peering into the front windows, she was relieved to see that it didn’t look too busy.

“What’re we waiting for?” Tomoe was the first to step forward, opening the door and stepping to the side. Himari curtsied as she walked in, followed by Moca who patted Tomoe’s cheek. Ran strode inward, but not before grabbing Tomoe by the wrist so that they walked in together.

The pervasive scent of coffee greeted her the moment that she stepped in. It was a deep aroma, but with a faint taste of something sweet that Ran wasn’t prepared for. The rest of her senses rushed to take in the café’s homey atmosphere. She heard a fork scraping against a plate and saw an elderly couple sitting on the same side of a booth together. There was the soft din as customers spoke among themselves, with stray laughter sprinkled in, and the white-haired waitress that perked up as they entered.

Of all the things Ran expected to find at a café, she wasn’t prepared to be hit with nostalgia.

But that didn’t make any sense. It obviously couldn’t. Ran didn’t go to coffee shops, much less visit this one. This was her first time here. Inexplicably, however, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that she should know this place.

The waitress excitedly introduced herself as Eve Wakamiya, showing their group a table farther in and handing them menus. Ran followed in a daze. Tomoe and Himari sat on one side of the table, while she and Moca were on the other.

“I will be going on break soon, but do not worry!!” Eve proclaimed with an apologetic bow. The spectacle was enough to break Ran out of her reverie. She watched as the girl straightened, putting on a brave face. “The competent daughter of the Hazawa’s will take over from here. So please, do enjoy the rest of your stay!”

At Eve’s departure, Himari leaned in. “Oh my God. Her name is the café’s entire brand. Isn’t it kinda like we’re meeting a celebrity?”

Tomoe laughed, nodding along to Himari’s train of thought as she closed her eyes. “Okay, yeah… I’m imagining her now. Just starting college, has her life figured out, but helps out at the family café because she has the heart of a saint.”

“She’s hot,” Moca decided.

“_Moca_,” Tomoe kicked the girl’s shin from under the table. “Drink some water.”

Moca ignored the admonishment, clasping her hands together and falling dramatically against Ran. She was promptly pushed off. “Ran. Profess your love to me now, before the Hazawa girl sweeps me away.”

“I need some coffee before I get around to that,” Ran deadpanned, flipping open the menu.

“You should get iced coffee,” the dejected girl wallowed. “to match your ice-cold heart…”

“Stop.”

“Okaaay.”

It didn’t take long for Himari and Moca to start debating how many pastries they’d get, or for Tomoe to agree to share her order with Moca. Ran was the one to stamp a price limit to their collective bill, and just like usual, their friendship pushed and pulled at all the right moments. It was only because they were friends for so long that they could act on each other’s cues as if on instinct.

While Ran glanced over the menu one final time, a girl came up to them on her side of the table.

She looked up to find kind, brown eyes staring back at her.

“Um, hi! Sorry to keep you waiting,” the girl addressed the table, though her eyes stayed on Ran. She couldn’t have been much older than any of them. Definitely high school. If she went to their school, Ran wouldn’t know. “I’m Tsugumi Hazawa. I’ll be your waitress today. If you’ve decided on your orders, I can take them right now!”

Himari raised her menu as a challenge. “I hope you’re ready, Tsugumi Hazawa. We’re judging your café right here and now… by taste testing! With what our wallets can handle.”

Tsugumi pumped her fists and nodded her head once. “I believe in my café. No, wait! I’ll even put in a word in the kitchen.”

That got a laugh from Tomoe and a thumbs up from Moca.

“That’s a coffee shop’s daughter for you,” Tomoe said sagely, as if she knew Tsugumi would react this way from the start. Wait. From the start? Just earlier they were speculating who Tsugumi would even be, and yet here she was, playing off their rhythm like she heard it before.

The amalgamation of everything about Hazawa Coffee, with its laidback air that wasn’t trying to be anything, the permeating scent of coffee, and _Tsugumi_, all of it drove home an acute awareness in Ran. Different thoughts flashed through her mind—smiling at school; not being angry at home; hands gliding over a keyboard; a band; her poems. Lyrics. Ran was singing.

A person’s life flashed before her eyes, but Ran wasn’t in imminent danger and it didn’t resemble her reality.

She couldn’t explain it. She only knew that Tsugumi was supposed to be there.

Himari started listing off their orders, and their waitress kept up with her pace. All the while, Ran didn’t realize she was staring until Tsugumi looked her way a third time and offered a smile.

Ran redirected her stare to the tabletop. God. Her cheeks were warm.

The exchange did not go unnoticed by the rest of the table.

As soon as Tsugumi stepped away, Moca had her elbow on the table and cheek in palm. A lecherous smile was plastered on her face. “I think Ran ordered something on the secret menu.”

Ran crossed her arms. “Shut up.”

Himari’s eyes were wide. “You need to get her phone number,” her voice was filled to the brim with excitement. “Think about it! A coffee shop romance is so romantic. Once she remembers how you like your coffee, you’re basically dating.”

“What’s romantic about coffee?” Tomoe squinted her eyes.

“It’s the small things!!” Himari whined. “Oh, you need to be more romantic, Tomoe.”

How could she explain herself? If she wasn’t having a fever dream, then that meant there was _probably_ a different timeline where Ran’s life had Tsugumi in it. Then why would Ran remember that? Why remind herself that Tsugumi’s existence was missing, like the lingering presence of a phantom limb?

Knowing that Tsugumi should have been an important part of her life was worse than never realizing at all.

Ran stood up from the table.

“What’re you up to?” Moca began to get up along with her, until Ran motioned for her to stop.

“Listening to my gut,” she answered.

“Cool. Good luck,” the other girl sat down without any further questions.

“I’m out of the loop, Tomoe.”  
“I might be, too?”

She made her way to the counter, and as if on cue, Tsugumi came out of the kitchen.

“Ah! You’re…” Tsugumi wiped her hands on her apron, squinting her eyes at Ran as if scrutinizing for something. “Was it— you’re Ran, right?”

“Yeah,” Ran felt like she was burning up. “but I don’t think my friends and I introduced ourselves.”

“Huh? I wonder if I met you somewhere else then,” the girl hummed, opting to smile at Ran. Even her smile made Ran’s heart ache, as if her body was remembering how to react to Tsugumi. “Was that why you wanted to talk to me?”

“Something like that, I guess,” she replied. There was no easy way to approach this. “I’m gonna be straightforward with you, okay?”

“Sure thing! You can tell me anything. Unless it’s illegal,” Tsugumi appended. She let out an awkward chuckle.

“Okay,” Ran took in a deep breath. It didn’t matter that they were in an open place, and anyone and everyone could listen in. She had to confirm it for herself.

She reached for Tsugumi’s hand. Both their hands were clammy. “I’ve never been to this coffee shop. I’ve never met you before, and I know that because… I would remember someone like you? And when I saw you, it felt like I _should _know you. I don’t know if you believe in these kinds of things, but—I think we might have been friends in a different life, or timeline, or whatever.”

Ran stared at their hands.

She couldn’t bring herself to see Tsugumi’s expression.

Until she finally heard her whisper, “I hope we were something more than friends.”

“Are you real?” Ran’s mind went blank. She jerked her head up to meet Tsugumi’s eyes, to find that she’d been waiting for Ran to look up. A silly smile made its way onto the girl’s face.

Tsugumi enveloped Ran’s hand with both of hers, her face glowing red. “I hope I’m real, haha! It’s like… we’re fated to meet, at least eventually. … I mean, on second thought, _please_ forget I just said that. It sounded a lot more romantic in my head.”

“What? I’m not forgetting anything about you anymore,” Ran leaned closer, daring Tsugumi to say otherwise. “Anyway, do you actually believe all of that? It’s probably better if you didn’t believe me.”

“I don’t know how to describe it,” Tsugumi listlessly explained, pulling Ran into a hug and resting her chin squarely on her shoulder. Ran stiffened in the hug. “None of this should make sense, but you’re so tense. It’s like me believing in you is life or death.”

“How does that…”

Tsugumi interrupted her by squeezing their hug. At last, Ran wrapped her arms around Tsugumi’s waist.

“Ran-chan,” Tsugumi tested. It sounded right to both girls. “It should be impossible, but you’re choosing to reach out to me anyway. If I think about it, how many other times could you have done the same thing?”

“Every time,” Ran answered without hesitation. “I can barely remember it, but I’m a better person with you in my life. I’m sure of it.”

She pressed herself into the hug, making up for lost time. When Tsugumi giggled, she twisted her waist so that the girl was swept off her feet, forcing her to lean most of her weight against Ran. A smile broke out on her own face. Right here, with Tsugumi in her arms, not even the impossible could keep them away from each other.

They were right where they should be.

…

The front of Hazawa Coffee was agonizingly normal. Clustered along with other stores and restaurants, the plain storefront only had planters lining the entrance to give it the splash of color it so painfully needed. It was ordinary, but because of that, it was special to Ran.

Ran stood at the entrance of the coffee shop dutifully. It was 11PM, around the time that Hazawa Coffee would close shop and its employees headed home for the night.

And so, they waited.

Ran normally texted Tsugumi whenever they wanted to walk the girl home after her shifts. But if there had to be any exceptions, tonight was one of them.

The members of Afterglow were finally third years in high school. In just a few short months, they would be graduating then moving onto the rest of whatever life had to offer. They still had to decide what would happen with the band, but in these remaining months, it was an unspoken agreement to enjoy things as they were.

They’ve come a long way since then.

So a dream like the one they just had felt too disconcerting to not do anything.

Imagining how their life would have been without Tsugumi was not a life that Ran wanted, and their dream only further proved the sentiment. Without Tsugumi, there would be no Afterglow, no true confrontation with their father, no chance for Ran to have the heart to be a better person. Remembering the heartache that dream Ran had felt from the lack of Tsugumi’s presence was enough to convince Ran to shoot of their bed and jog over to the café.

The door chime jingled as the front entrance swung open.

“Ran? What’re you doing here?”

Tsugumi was quick on the uptake, walking forward into Ran’s open arms. Their embrace felt natural, and so, so much more real than the one they experienced in their dream. It was weird to think that just a few years ago, there was a version of Ran that wasn’t comfortable in Tsugumi’s arms.

“I had a weird dream, is all. It made me want to see you,” Ran explained simply. They released Tsugumi from the hug and motioned with a tilt of their head to start walking down the street. “Mind if I walk you home? I’m sorry I didn’t text you to ask.”

The girl smiled. “I don’t mind at all. Let’s go.”

Before long, Tsugumi delved into customer stories and Eve shenanigans, while Ran described the song that they were working on. They built off each other, but they also bounced off one another, in a conversation that didn’t want to end. The moment that Ran noticed Tsugumi was cradling her arms for warmth, they tore off their leather jacket and draped it over their girlfriend.

“Thank you,” Tsugumi paused to slip her arms through the sleeves. The jacket looked large on her, but the girl put on a stern face and popped the lapels outward. She squeaked out a question, “Am I cool now?”

“Tsugumi, you’ve always been cool,” Ran chuckled.

“Just checking,” she started walking again, looking at Ran from over her shoulder. “Did you want to talk about your dream, or is it better to leave it behind?”

“Hmm.”

Where could Ran even begin?

“Do you believe in alternate universes? Reincarnation, different timelines, those kinds of things,” Ran listed, matching pace with Tsugumi so that they were walking beside each other. At the girl’s questioning stare, Ran continued, “Imagine two people meeting again in a different life.”

“Alternate universes, huh…” Tsugumi pondered aloud. “Are all the universes and timelines super different? Like, we’re pirates in one universe or we’re fighting a corrupt government in another.”

“Yeah, or a small shift that you barely notice the difference,” Ran felt themselves smile, happy to find that their girlfriend didn’t immediately shut down the train of thought. But then again, of course she wouldn’t. This was Tsugumi, after all.

“Does this have to do with your dream?” the girl guessed. When Ran nodded, Tsugumi pressed herself against them.

“It was one of those dreams that felt so real that when you wake up, it still feels like you’re in the dream,” they described. Flashes of the dream came to them—hiding away on the school rooftop, hating that things were the same as always, feeling like they were at a standstill. Just how much of Ran’s life had Tsugumi inadvertently affected?

Swallowing the sudden lump in their throat, Ran threw an arm over Tsugumi’s shoulders. “I never met you in my dream, and by the time I did, I had to realize that I wasted so much time without you. It felt real. Too real. So when I woke up, I wanted to make sure I was in the right timeline.”

“Ran…” Tsugumi started.

“But I guess if I had to take away anything, it’s that I need you in my life,” Ran concluded, making sure to shake Tsugumi by the shoulders, as if to ward bad moods away. “There’s a happy ending to this story, though. It’s right here.”

“Oh my gosh,” the girl slapped Ran lightly on the shoulder. “You and Moca really are best friends. Her flirting’s rubbed off on you.”

“Are you complaining?” They retaliated, sliding their hand up to tickle Tsugumi on the neck.

“Hey, _don’t_—” She immediately recoiled at the touch, and the two dissolved into a messy scuffle, hiding their weak tickling points from one another. To any passing bystander, they must’ve looked like childish teens laughing at nothing. But to Ran, it was small moments like these that they wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

“Okay, I give!” Tsugumi said as she nearly keeled over, gasping for air.

Ran raised their arms in mock surrender.

Tsugumi pressed a weak fist against Ran’s stomach. “That’s payback for tickling me,” she said as she stood up, slipping her hand into Ran’s.

“We should probably get you home before your parents start asking questions,” Ran settled down as well. They tugged Tsugumi to begin walking again.

“Wait, wait. I have one more thing to say,” Tsugumi dug her heels into the ground to halt them. When they turned around to look at her, Tsugumi simply gave them a smile. “What if your dream was an alternate universe, after all? And you somehow gained consciousness of an alternate Ran.”

“I feel bad for the other Ran, then,” they admitted.

“Don’t be!!” Tsugumi exclaimed, shaking their handhold as if it’d drive her point in further. “Because you helped the other Ran meet me. There are all these universes and timelines, and you connected with the one where you realized we could have missed each other, and you made sure we didn’t. It’s really amazing of you, Ran! How many people believe in different universes, then choose to believe in a reality where we meet all over again?”

Ran stared at their clasped hands.

It was just like their dream. Or, as Tsugumi put it, this alternate universe where they had to meet all over again.

“Not many people,” Ran figured.

“The two of us do, though,” Tsugumi was the one to walk ahead this time, pulling Ran along. “It could be this universe or the next one, but I hope we never let each other go!”

It went without saying that Ran felt the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Written to Ito Kashitaro's [My Narrow Road](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMAdeMPk13I) !  
It's been several months since I posted on here, so I sat down this week and said, "Finish anything, no matter what"... It's now almost 4AM and I didn't proofread. I had a friend provide a TsuguRan prompt a few months ago, and this is what came of it. I wanted to explore the idea of how integral Tsugumi is to not only Afterglow as a whole, but especially to Ran ( + bonus gay hehe).
> 
> Ran using they/them pronouns is intentional in the last scene.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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